I have just told John that we need to go to a church and have the date of our wedding reserved. There I was finally able to type it! The thought of getting married and the thought of marrying John have remained two entirely separate concepts in my mind. The institution of marriage per se has left me cynical. I just am about it. What with divorce, domestic abuse, getting married for the wrong reasons (e.g. money, ticking biological clock, unwanted pregnancy, etc.) all around me. I am not the marrying type. As a matter of fact, John will tell you first hand how commitment-phobic I am and how hard he tried to change that while we were going out. The thought of marriage made me feel trapped. I mean there can only be one person, that’s it till the day you die. And the truth is it’s scary when you put it that way. BUT the thought of marrying John is an entirely different matter. I am actually loking forward to waking up next to him in the morning in my pajamas, cooking breakfast, cuddle in front of the tv at night. It sounds fun! I look forward to our banter, to our personalities clashing and finally to be able to work together when we cook (Something we have never done, we try to wring each other’s neck in the process. Not pretty.) I look forward to backrubs, going on hikes, swimming together, getting lost when we travel (we’ve done that a lot!) And slowly my view on marriage is changing. It doesn’t sound so bad now.
When I think of getting married, my hands get clammy and my heart feels like it’s about to jump out of my chest. I feel like running. When I think about marrying JOHN (and for me there’s a difference), I feel calm…and safe…and cared for. Like all I need is to hold his hand, in the midst of the craziness in this world and I’ll be fine.
I had planned to have boyfriends and adopt when the time was right. Travel, do social work and build a house near one of the beaches in California. Be free my whole life. But now, all that’s changed. Ironically, I feel more free now with John than I ever did. I don’t regret changing my plans. So I guess that means I’m not running. hehehe
I actually had a full weekend. Before watching Batman Sunday, I actually went out Saturday with John, Kathlyn, Sharmy and Tina (who I just met that same instant and liked). We went to MO2, this club at Goldenfields. John and I were there first as Sharmy and Tina waited for Kathlyn who had to go her LAW Acquaintance Party. When i got there John already had two beers and I was feeling really bad that night coz my father called and brought up all our issues. So yeah I was primed to get drunk! I ordered a strawberry margarita. John had another beer. We also ordered chicharon bulaklak. After that I ordered a white russian while John got a black russian and we had tapa to eat. I also drank some of John’s beer. By the end of our second round, we were both laughing hysterically. I can’t even remember what we were laughing at. I remember calling my sister on the phone. It was about 6 am in the States and I really woke her up. She was still groggy while I told her about where I was and what I was doing. I guess I got a little drunk. I even went to the bathroom concentrating hard on the path coz I was seriously afraid I was gonna trip. I really don’t think I was walking straight even. hehehe Anyway, I got another drink after that. It was a mudslide and it tasted great. By then my friends arrived and they were like, “You’re hammered” and I was like, “I am not drunk”. John left then so that I can bond with the girls. Then we hit the dance floor. See dance floor.
It got more crowded than that by 1 am with everyone inebriated. I think it was fun actually, all that squeezing in. I had a great time dancing with my friends. Some guy even hit on Sharmy, who needed a pick me up after some dude blew her off. Of course, my drinks have worn on off by then. I think it was great exercise! hahaha All around couples were making out. Some guy was digging into his gf’s pants while he was chugging a beer on the other hand. That made me laugh! Men! Some were on the tables dancing. You really can’t make out anybody’s face so I guess that’s one reason why nobody was shy or embarrassed. Anyway, we all had iced tea after the strenuous dancing and talked a little bit about our lives. Tina (a nurse) had to go to work early. So we got a taxi at around 2 am and went home. Till next time girls!
