I’m beginning to think that human beings are not meant to be monogamous. I mean how can a person be attracted to another when he/she is already commited to somebody else? Being faithful is sometimes an act of will when one is being tempted to stray. I see relationships around me fail when a partner gives in to attraction and ends up having an affair. It’s sad but true. Are we physiologically meant to be with different people? Maybe. And it is the commitment to one’s current relationship that keeps us in the relationship, isn’t it?
A friend of mine has this view that when people have been married for years, the passion and romance ultimately fizzles out and what is left is the commitment to stay in the relationship, for emotional and monetary investment as well as security. But that is sad, isn’t it? I’d much rather end a relationship without love than continue to be with somebody that I don’t know anymore. I dread the day when I look into John’s eyes and feel nothing.
People ask me sometimes how I can stay with somebody for five years without getting bored. I’m amazed myself. I’m not married to John. What we have is just the commitment that someday we will get married. This commitment is based only on our spoken vows. It’s not on paper. It’s not something you can hold in your hand and show to a lawyer. It is not even tangible. It’s just my word and his, when you think about it. And a person’s word is one of the easiest things that can be broken. So that commitment cannot be the reason.
Why do I stay? Because I have found the one person who understands who I am inside out. Who knows why I do the things I do. Who sees my soul and accepts me. May even like what he sees sometimes. I have found myself connected to another person in a way that I know I will never find again in this lifetime. (No Freudian meanings here) Who knows how I feel even when I don’t say it. Can read my mind just by looking at me. It’s uncanny. What’s even weird is that I am also to him what he is to me. The feeling is mutual. That I think is the rarest kind of connection. (I don’t want to say the word “soulmate” coz it makes me wanna hurl. That word is so cheesy. But the description fits.)
Do we have fights? Oh yes. Lots of it over the years. Some petty. Some that shake the core of our values.
What we have is commitment, passion and friendship, the lasting kind. If I lose John, I know that I’d feel like a part of myself has been ripped away. I will never be the same again. He feels the same way. And that is why we are together.